Saturday

I took the bus to the mall today, a giant, expensive air conditioned place.

Walking from the bus stop to the entrance, I encountered an elderly couple next to Tower Records. The woman was having trouble stepping down the curb. Her husband (?) was already down it, holding her hands and encouraging her. She didn't want to, and protested that it would be easier if she went another way. He patiently explained that it was just the same over there, and that she could do this, he'd help her.

It made me cry then, and it's making me cry now as I recount it. This is why I'm getting married, why I'm so happy to have found S. To have a someone that is willing to stick by me through it all, my insecurities and doubts, to help each other down curbs when we're so hold, to hold hands in the movies and at PTA meetings and whatever else may come our way.

I called him last night, tipsy on vodka and sad. I went to a friend of a friend's party and it was like college. These two girls had moved into an apartment and were having a house warming party. They reminded me of me and my roommates when we were 19 and moved into our first apartment. It made me nostalgic and sad, since things need so badly between us all and I haven't really had any girl friends since. Sad too, because the time of my life where I'll live with other girls and paint our bathroom pink and have theme days and share clothes is over.

Anyway, I bought a bra today, the first in like, 3 years? An embarrassingly long time. It was 36 dollars, from Victoria's Secret. But that's ok, because I'll probably wear it for 3 years or so. I hate bra shopping and I hate my breasts. Everyone made fun of me in jr high about them, and I guess I've never let that go.