Misery

If suicide weren't such a permanant thing, i'd consider it right now. If I had somewhere to go, I would run away right now.

Weddings are supposed to be joyus occasions, right? Mine's not, so far. The church I grew up in, the church I always wanted to get married in, is charging 800 dollars for the ceremony alone. We can't afford a reception anywhere else is we get married there, so having a reception there means shitty wine and shitty food to the tune of 6,000.

My mother, instead of being an excited, supportive, "let's go look at dresses" kind of mom, is choosing to be a bitchy nightmare, insisting we get married at the expensive church, lecturing me on the fact that marriage is a sacrament (like i don't know this), fighting with my dad about it, and alienating my fiancee to the point where he no longer will go visit them.

Is it just me, or is it not supposed to be like this?

To top it all off, my mom has 12 brothers and sisters, making it impossible to have a small wedding. I love my huge extended family and I am trying my hardest to find a way to include them...one of those ways is not spending 800 dollars on renting a ceremony space. Or spending 3,000 renting a reception area.

I bought my dress last weekend - it's the only thing that has gone right so far. It's excatly what I want and was a very affordable 185 dollars.

So since i have my dress, i'm seriously starting to consider eloping. I'm seriously starting to consider planning a wedding that revolves around hurting my mom as much as she is hurting me. What a fucking great way to start the rest of my life.

At this point, I can't even imagine this becoming a happy situation again. Fucking fantastic.