Tuesday, June 06, 2006

Misery

If suicide weren't such a permanant thing, i'd consider it right now. If I had somewhere to go, I would run away right now.

Weddings are supposed to be joyus occasions, right? Mine's not, so far. The church I grew up in, the church I always wanted to get married in, is charging 800 dollars for the ceremony alone. We can't afford a reception anywhere else is we get married there, so having a reception there means shitty wine and shitty food to the tune of 6,000.

My mother, instead of being an excited, supportive, "let's go look at dresses" kind of mom, is choosing to be a bitchy nightmare, insisting we get married at the expensive church, lecturing me on the fact that marriage is a sacrament (like i don't know this), fighting with my dad about it, and alienating my fiancee to the point where he no longer will go visit them.

Is it just me, or is it not supposed to be like this?

To top it all off, my mom has 12 brothers and sisters, making it impossible to have a small wedding. I love my huge extended family and I am trying my hardest to find a way to include them...one of those ways is not spending 800 dollars on renting a ceremony space. Or spending 3,000 renting a reception area.

I bought my dress last weekend - it's the only thing that has gone right so far. It's excatly what I want and was a very affordable 185 dollars.

So since i have my dress, i'm seriously starting to consider eloping. I'm seriously starting to consider planning a wedding that revolves around hurting my mom as much as she is hurting me. What a fucking great way to start the rest of my life.

At this point, I can't even imagine this becoming a happy situation again. Fucking fantastic.

1 Comments:

At 4:06 AM, Blogger Cutie said...

Heylo sweetheart!

You poor thing. Let me impart some wisdom on something I know a bit about (phew!) and that is weddings. Difficult ones especially. I won't tell you my tale of woe because its long. It did have a happy ending (been married 6 years+ is what I mean by that) but we did nearly elope after a similar sitch that you are having, and same with all of his sisters- difficult, large family, scary mad mother who had possessed the body of the previously sane mother.

The thing is, your mom will come around. But -and this may come as a shock, so hold onto your seat- that doesn't matter in the slightest, because its your wedding. Yours. Not hers. She already had her day. She had to fight for it too, believe me.

This has to be about pleasing you and your hunny, and NO ONE ELSE. Because the truth is, you could bend and scrape to every suggestion and law your Mom lays down- and she won't be happy. So don't bother trying. It's true!

Just know that she loves you, and that is what made her crazy- she is terrified that it won't be what she dreamed of for you, what if you are making a mistake, etc. etc. This doesn't mean to say her fears are real. Even if they are totally irrational to her logic normally, she can't help but be scared anyhow.

You may have to have a talk with her, lay down some boundaries, or you could just ignore her until the day rolls around, or give her a role- she is in charge of anything bridesmaid for example- but you, and you alone, has to be the one who marks the sand. and if you don't, or are flaky in any way in your dealings with her, she will worry more and fear more- and that in turn will make her even more of a scary mom o' the bride.

You don't have to fix everything, just get yourself from point a to point married!

Try being firm, and stick to your guns. It may hurt a bit at first, but you both will benefit in the long run. Because all this is her way of saying, "Reassure me that you are an adult and can do all this stuff- I still remember changing you!!!

Good luck. I'm in your corner.

Emms

 

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